Sunday, November 14

Mountain Eyes

Closed My Eyes to Hear the Mountains

Thoughts drifted slower, slowly
so I could hear the mountains
one hundred kilometers away.
Far and away

Farther than a whisper on the wind.
Hide behind them like a satellite.
A planet
smaller than a voice.
A particle
grander than infinity.
From this breath 
and a million years before

Mountains far and away
Inside my sensitive heart.
A movement that waits
a weight that smiles
that risks all for love
and finds it in a mountain
waiting just below the surface

waiting, as a whisper, 
to be heard.

LyndiaP November 14, 2010 (PoemADay Challenge 14 of 30)


  1. The unresolved tension is what is striking about this piece. Using mountains as a symbol signifies a weighty, massive, and immovable force; love is definitely like that at times. But I am not sure if the mask metaphor is the right fit here. I can understand why you chose it, as relationships are often insecure and deceitful, but perhaps there could be another symbol out there. I just think with a little tweaking this poem could be better.

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  3. Thanks Alex - I appreciate what you've said and taken a look at it again, gave it some thought, made some changes. The mask is a pretty useful metaphor but one I use a lot. I'm going to try something also a bit different. I'd love to know what you think if you come by and read it again!

    (Many of these "PoemADays" were "one shots" and I haven't gone and done more than one round of editing.) In general though, like life and dreams, I think my poems are always evolving and anything that inspires them to change for the better is always welcome!